Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
