So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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