She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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