Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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