don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
