so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
