I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
