Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
