You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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