I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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