I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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