big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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