no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
