my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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