Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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