So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
