SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't turn off my feet"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
