i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
