dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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