Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
