We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
