so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
