you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i drank out of a bidet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
