Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
