best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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