11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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