if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
