tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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