My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
