i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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