I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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