I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
