Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
