That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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