thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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