Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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