New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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