Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
