we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
