I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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