Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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