I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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