Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
