New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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