Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
