don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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