Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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