i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
