Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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