I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So. Much. Porn.
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