the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
