I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
