somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
