She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
tell me about the eggs
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