Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
