Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
