I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize