the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
