Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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