I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We got so high we made milksteak
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
