i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
