I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
