Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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