I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im part way to drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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