These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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