fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
