You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
