Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
