Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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