I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This is my gift to your gina
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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